Dispute Resolution
What do you do if a misunderstanding escalates into a full blown dispute? Something was said or done quite innocently or even unknowingly and it seems like gasoline was just thrown on a fire. There was a huge explosion and now nothing is the same with pieces of a relationship blown up and scattered all over the place. Where do you begin as you try and patch these broken relationship pieces back together? There are a number of helpful tips that we find in the pages of Scripture. The following are offered as tools to use in the midst of a dispute.
First, try using a mediator. Some cultures find this to be very valuable in avoiding the shame of face to face conflict. A mediator is a wise person that is called in an attempt to reconcile two parties who are in the midst of a conflict. Jesus Christ is the mediator between God and sinful humankind (1 Timothy 2:5). We need to model our lives after Christ and be that peace making party. If we are personally involved in an unresolved conflict it is always a good idea to call in a wise elder for counsel and help. They can speak with the wisdom of age and the wisdom of an outside perspective. Ultimately we need to use Christ as our mediator and pray about the situation, our involvement, the other party and ask God to help bring a resolution that would honor Him.
Next, we need to watch out for words of gossip and attitudes that seek to destroy the other person. Gossip is simply uncontrolled conversation that is not true. By using gossip we ultimately seek to tear the other person down and make ourselves look better. Gossip pridefully betrays a confidence (Proverbs 11:3 & 20:19). When we gossip it makes the problem worse (Proverbs 26:20) by spreading it to the larger community and involving others. Gossip in many ways is like a mold that grows on a piece of food. It will continue to destroy what is good unless it is cut off and removed. We need to correct our attitudes of pride that lead to gossip because others and God will see it for the sinful contamination that it truly is.
The third tool is to pray. We often think that prayer is just our conversation with God about us, but God desires that it be so much more. Have you prayed for your enemy, the one you are in conflict with? Romans 12:12 challenges us to be persistent in prayer even for our enemies. Jesus said that we are to love our enemies and pray for them (Matthew 5:44-45). In some ways, this is the easiest solution and yet it is the most difficult. Why? Well, there is part of us that thinks we are better than the enemy and we portray that to God when we pray. We want God to destroy the enemy rather than see them restored. We need God’s perspective and that can be gained through prayer.
Fourth, we need to act righteously toward our enemy. In Romans 12, Paul challenges his audience and even us today with three practical steps. The first thing he says highlights our sense of justice for being wronged. Paul says that we should not try and correct the injustice by turning around and acting unjustly (Romans 12:17). Our attitude and consistent desire should be one that constantly seeks to live in peace with others (Romans 12:18). Finally, Paul emphasizes the value of acting in a way that is contrary to conflict (Romans 12:20). When we can show grace and give to an enemy what is not deserved that is when we have truly understood God’s grace that He has shown to us.
May God give us the courage and the grace to be problem solvers not problem creators.
jethrotools.org kg2020
What do you do if a misunderstanding escalates into a full blown dispute? Something was said or done quite innocently or even unknowingly and it seems like gasoline was just thrown on a fire. There was a huge explosion and now nothing is the same with pieces of a relationship blown up and scattered all over the place. Where do you begin as you try and patch these broken relationship pieces back together? There are a number of helpful tips that we find in the pages of Scripture. The following are offered as tools to use in the midst of a dispute.
First, try using a mediator. Some cultures find this to be very valuable in avoiding the shame of face to face conflict. A mediator is a wise person that is called in an attempt to reconcile two parties who are in the midst of a conflict. Jesus Christ is the mediator between God and sinful humankind (1 Timothy 2:5). We need to model our lives after Christ and be that peace making party. If we are personally involved in an unresolved conflict it is always a good idea to call in a wise elder for counsel and help. They can speak with the wisdom of age and the wisdom of an outside perspective. Ultimately we need to use Christ as our mediator and pray about the situation, our involvement, the other party and ask God to help bring a resolution that would honor Him.
Next, we need to watch out for words of gossip and attitudes that seek to destroy the other person. Gossip is simply uncontrolled conversation that is not true. By using gossip we ultimately seek to tear the other person down and make ourselves look better. Gossip pridefully betrays a confidence (Proverbs 11:3 & 20:19). When we gossip it makes the problem worse (Proverbs 26:20) by spreading it to the larger community and involving others. Gossip in many ways is like a mold that grows on a piece of food. It will continue to destroy what is good unless it is cut off and removed. We need to correct our attitudes of pride that lead to gossip because others and God will see it for the sinful contamination that it truly is.
The third tool is to pray. We often think that prayer is just our conversation with God about us, but God desires that it be so much more. Have you prayed for your enemy, the one you are in conflict with? Romans 12:12 challenges us to be persistent in prayer even for our enemies. Jesus said that we are to love our enemies and pray for them (Matthew 5:44-45). In some ways, this is the easiest solution and yet it is the most difficult. Why? Well, there is part of us that thinks we are better than the enemy and we portray that to God when we pray. We want God to destroy the enemy rather than see them restored. We need God’s perspective and that can be gained through prayer.
Fourth, we need to act righteously toward our enemy. In Romans 12, Paul challenges his audience and even us today with three practical steps. The first thing he says highlights our sense of justice for being wronged. Paul says that we should not try and correct the injustice by turning around and acting unjustly (Romans 12:17). Our attitude and consistent desire should be one that constantly seeks to live in peace with others (Romans 12:18). Finally, Paul emphasizes the value of acting in a way that is contrary to conflict (Romans 12:20). When we can show grace and give to an enemy what is not deserved that is when we have truly understood God’s grace that He has shown to us.
May God give us the courage and the grace to be problem solvers not problem creators.
jethrotools.org kg2020